Christmas in July

It's that time of the year again, the silly season, the Xmas rush, the end of year. The Season of the Work Christmas parties which commonly involve a large bar tab, appetisers (which are the culinary equivalent of pissing on the 3rd rail) and hopes that the hot new girl from account doesn't wear underwear and would like to see the photocopier room.

The real impending downfall of civilisation as we know it is the fact that work Christmas are moving at a speed of contenental drift away from December 25th. Think about it, remember your work Xmas party a few years ago, pretty close to Christmas - almost the same week in fact.

Then think about every year since, when is your party this year if your having one? November? October almost? Is it too much to ask a Christmas party be at least in the same month as Christmas? You can either love your workplace or hate it, but either way having almost a month between making an ass of yourself at the Xmas party and everyone else having some days off over Christmas to forget about it - does not bode well for the Yule time mood.

Maybe the problem is lack of stealth. Christmas doesn't exactly sneak up on you with Trees & Xmas savings being on display only 6 months after the Santa suit went into storage (3 after the indictments were finalised). Maybe it needs to go back to the days of the Christmas rush, only 3 weeks til Christmas advertising not 363 days. Maybe... Christmas needs to go Ninja.

Ninjamas maybe the way to go, many people will never know that December 25th has been and gone as they may be fooled by Ninjamas' awesome stealth-like abilities. Ninjamas considers all facets of the holiday period just look to how you may do your Ninjamas Secret Santa shopping online.

You maybe thinking how can I, Tripitaka, a humble boy monk with definite female features be more Ninja in my Ninjamas festivities. Apart from ditching Pigsy and Sandy there are a few points you can try:

• Wear socks with no shoes a lot. Sandles are considered shoes in this example, which means your Grandpa is not a Ninja.
• Walk sideways, confuse and confound your target with your crablike dexterity
• Talk out of Sync - All the cool dubbed Ninja's do it.
• When you move your arms and hands make whushing sounds (something that Ninjas have in common with both Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan)
• Learn the ancient and mystic arts of the Shirt Ninja
• Whenever need to leave a room, use a smoke bomb
• Practice being roundhoused by Chuck Norris except for the part of being kicked so hard you travel back in time.

So this Ninjamas when doing your Ninjacard lists, wrapping your Ninja presents in tissue paper for stealth unwrapping, and putting up your Ninja tree - enjoy the Christmas period as close to December 25th as you can and just say no to Christmas Parties that aren't. Because the only thing that can stop Ninjamas is New Chuck's Eve...

Andy. A Guy who knows that all real Ninja's ask for a Chuck Norris-proof vest for Xmas.