Postcard from the Other Edge of Consciousness

If you travel between timezones in a gap large enough to see the sun setting and rising at different times you will have a appreciation of the sweet science of sleep. Sleep is a necessary and ongoing process. While Bon Jovi may protest that he will sleep when he is dead the fact is there has probably been many a time he has passed out in a pool of carrots and never actually after having a meal of vegetables.

Much like the levels of happiness there are 7 levels of sleep, the simplest levels are of course Waking and Sleeping but the variations of these are much more interesting. The vanilla sleep comes in 2 variations, either REM or non-REM sleep neither of which have anything to do with listening to Losing My Religion in Karaoke.

REM Sleep is the type of sleep where last nights Thai food is the difference between a Nightmare and a Wet Dream - REM Sleep or Rapid Eye Movement sleep is the most waking of sleep where your brain is still active and allows you personal delusions of grandeur.

Other flavours of sleep include Coma Boy and Dead Boy. One of these is slightly more permanent then the other if you are taking notes (Death is the bad one). These are of course counterbalanced by the Yin to their passed out in a gutter Yang which are variations of awake. While zombism maybe also considered a form of waking death we shall try and re-frame from actively commenting on practical voodoo here. Even though it does share similar effects as staring at a Magic Eye picture for 2 hours straight without a craving for Chilled Monkey Brain.

Jet Lag is a form of waking whereby your internal body clock thinks its the middle of the night and the world around you begs to differ. At present I am in Perth which the sun seems to come up at 5:30am and goes down around 8pm - as I am not a penguin and do not live at either the South or North Pole my internal clock says 'Whats your game sonny Jim' in a Sean Connery like voice before asking if I want a Sausage Sandwich with Sauce and something about a guy called Blowfelt. Jet Lag is like an expensive form of shift work where your body is perfectly aligned to the world around you, the problem is the world around you has daylight savings.

This brings us to the 7th level of sleep which is by far my favourite, Over tired or Sleep Deprived. This level of sleep can vary from individual to individual, ranging from the zombie like appearance to a Jedi like hyper aware sense without the urge to make out (twice!) your sister. This level of sleep has 2 benefits if you are the hyper aware type -

1. You are able to comprehend in spectacular fashions making connections so vague and insightful that a waking brain spins in its skull.
2. While not the comprehension, you lack the ability to care. This makes you far more efficient with you taking the shortest path between A and B when you in this mode that can only be compared to giving 5 year olds straight shots of red cordial spiked with Ritalin.

The downside to this mode of sleep is the toll that it takes out of you the longer you are in it which could lead to an Icarus like moment before heading straight into a sleep that would make Yogi and Boo Boo jealous.

So next time you are about to hit the sack or in hour 24 of a Guitar Hero Marathon take a moment to savour the delicious nectar of slumber. Apart from the possible dangers of waking up with one hand in ice water as you feel warmer water on your pants after passing out on a couch after your 12 tequila shot - its probably the most fun you can have with your pants on.

If you sleep naked then that point is debatable.

Andy, Zzzzzz... Poopietrim.