Small hands... smell like cabbage...

For the last few days I have been in the throws of festivis celebrations. For those who don't know festivis is a phrase for celebrating a single day event that you decide to draw out into a multi-day event. The first festivis may have well been the Olympics starting as a Greek backyard BBQ with guests that just wouldn't leave - we may never know its history is shrouded in mystery that even a Scooby Doo crossover with Batman couldn't solve.

This years Festivis was celebration for my milestone Birthday which was spread over 3 days. Drinking shoes were necessary so for the entire week prior I had been in training with a drink per day. Festivis is not to be taken lightly, like the Olympics there is a degree of preparation you must endure.. you can't just rock up to Beijing and say "Long jump? Yeah Ill have a crack" seeing if you can pass off for part of the Jamaican polo team.

The final day of Festivis was taken as part of the Brisbane Royal Show or Ekka. A long standing and highly prestigious rural event which is celebrated annually by the inflating of giant mallets and the wearing of fluffy hats before the purchasing of bags full of Bertie Beetles. The Ekka has many interesting things to see but no one can visit without at least one walk through sideshow alley.

Sideshow alley is the carnival game section of the show - shooting galleries, ring toss and freaky clowns with a oral fixation for ping pong balls unparalleled this side of Singapore. We visited this as a group with a hyper-kinetic munchkin in our ranks who quite enjoyed the concept of winning small bags of multi-coloured-marketed stuffing.

On the 6th pass of a carnie game where the small boy hoped someone would play it for another prize, his father sat him down and explained what a con game actually is. While I would never suggest you try this at home there nothing quite like seeing a tiny piece of youthful innocent be killed off like a frog by 18 wheeler. The look of harsh reality setting in is something that most never see - the only thing close to experiencing it in the adult world would be going a shandy too far.

While I'm still sober enough to remember how to operate a taxi cab I'll try and avoid having to chew off my own arm...

Andy, a man with 2 arms but still can't juggle.